Well it's about time I finally got my god damned Diploma! You wanna talk about long weekends, this weekend felt like a fucking month to me! Since last Wednesday I've been preparing myself for the grand finale, graduation. Last Thursday my sister and I went to school to set up the multi-purpose room for the ceremony, setting up chairs and practicing our 'walk' for three hours. Once all that was over the fun began... the free food! In case you don't already know, I'm like a bottomless pit when it comes to food. We all had to wait for the food to be cooked, so while we were waiting someone out of nowhere decides that we should play Hide and Seek. I haven't played Hide and Seek since I was like 12, but I was bored so I was like "Fuck it, why not?" and booked it towards the woods. I didn't stop running until I knew nobody would search for me back there, so I just laid down and lit a cigarette while they were out searching for me. When I used to play Hide and Seek as a kid I was the best hider, nobody could find me. I laid there in the bushes all wet and kinda muddy from the wet ground, watching this girl named Patrice calling out "Marco!" so I shouted "Polo!" and she obviously heard me, but she had no idea where I was. About 20 minutes later I hear my sister calling my name, saying how everyone was found and that I won so I got up and walked out of the woods. Everyone was curious as to where I was hiding and all I could say was, "This place I go to to cry" as a joke, but they took it pretty seriously and they all just looked at me like "WTF?" Anyway after my sister tells me that the food was ready I ran out of the woods like a bat out of hell and went straight towards the food.
Everyone got pissed at me for eating all the cheesecake, the ribs, the pork n' beans, the chicken and like half a bag of potato chips. Then when I went home I ate a lot more food; a bunch of stringed cheese, 4 PB&J sandwich's because of how easy they are to make, then I ate a cheeseburger. Stuffed like a turkey, I went straight to my bed and passed out after making a new character in Skyrim (I decided to try out the Khajiit) and sometime at around 3 or 4 AM I was having this really fucked-up dream that one of those damned Chestbursters came out (of my chest) screeching and snarling, then suddenly I wake up and run towards my door then blew chunks all over the front porch! My puking woke up my brother's girlfriend Kelly and she kept askign me "Are you okay?" but all I could say was, "BLAAARRRGGGHHH!!!" the whole time. When I was finished I said "I don't feel very good..." and not even two minutes after I puke my dog Sara comes out of the dark and started licking it up. The thought of her licking up my vomit was making me sick, especially since she was within ear-shot of me hearing the *slurp!* *slurp!* *slurp!* of her licking my puke up. So I opened my door and kept shouting "Get out of here dog!" but nope, she still kept licking up my puke like an all-you-can-eat buffet and so I kicked her away until I heard her yelp. Kelly got pissed at me and was like "What the fuck Chris! You didn't have to kick her!" and I nodded. I wasn't really feeling 100% the following morning, and I had no idea how much I puked until I looked out my door and realized that I had puked out my entire stomach contents. The smell was the first thing that hit me, it was overwhelming, there were flies everywhere! You couldn't even take a step anywhere near my door without stepping in the puddle! So I spent like an hour of my time cleaning up my mess with a hose... covering my nose from the smell the whole time.
I also had to see my Case Manager that day too, but I was still feeling under the weather so I left him a message and explained that I wasn't feeling good, that I threw up and that I would see him whenever I was feeling better. All my friends thought I was sick, but personally speaking... I think I just ate too much food. I spent most of my time on Friday laying in bed and playing my Khajiit character in Skyrim because it felt like someone punching me in the stomach from the inside whenever I stood up. Eventually I began to feel better and I hung out with ym buddy Topher (my sister's boyfriend), smoked a bunch of weed with him and watching him play WoW. Then my friend Tyler came to our door and he grabbed me, so we walked around. He 'prepared' me for graduation by smoking me so much weed that I was walking around stoned off my ass and seeing everything like it was a cardboard cut-out. when I walked home my sister and my mom wouldn't stop arguing about graduation and everything but I decided to stay out of it. I argue with my mom, a lot. More than my sister does. But unlike the arguments I have with my mom, which happen often but don't last long. When my sister fights with my mom, it's a fucking bloodbath! They were screaming their heads off at each other and throwing things, so I left. I was out of the picture, I did not want to get involved. Especially since I was hearing my name being dropped in their argument. I'm still not sure if they were talking about me or Topher (because me and him are both named Chris), but whatever started that fight, it didn't end until Saturday morning. The day of graduation! My folks were so pissed off that I was scared they weren't going to show up at the graduation ceremony.
When we left to go, I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be, in fact I was nervous. I put on my hat and gown with the rest of the class and we stood outside waiting for the 'signal' for us to walk. After the candlelighters went and did their thing, we walked and sat on the stage, watched the slideshow of all the students starting from their baby pictures to how they are now, when my picture came up they only had one picture of me and it moved on to another student. I kinda wish I had baby pictures to show during the slideshow, because I've got two I think would've been really funny to put in there. One was a picture of me as a newborn giving out the alien handsign, and a professional photo of baby me and my parents, it's funny because in the photo I'm flipping of the camera. I handed out flowers to those who played an important role in my life, and of course I gave flowers to my mom (thank God she arrived) and all my friends. I even gave a flower to my principal, because I originally planned to tell him off after I got my Diploma, but I decided to take the 'bigger man' approach to it. I'm glad I did too because I probably would've made a fool out of myself if I bitch-slapped my principal and said "Go fuck yourself!" in front of like 200 people. Anyway, I got my Diploma, got a bunch of pictures with friends and family... and recieved a graduation gift that was more like a kick in the face to me, because I got this book called '199 promises of God' and a tiny Bible. I'm like one of the most anti-religious people you'll ever know so I didn't really like the gift, but I still accepted it because I have deep respect for the people who gave it to me. My friend Charles' graduation gift literally brought him to tears. He got a family heirloom which I guess was highly sentimental among his family, an American flag that was from his great grandfather. I congratulated him and was happier for him than I had ever been.
After graduation I was invited to go to this afterparty with the Hjelvicks, a well-known family of Norwegian rednecks whose family history dates back to the founding of the town I live in (Brinnon) back in the 1800's. Anyway I hung out with them, had more than a few beers, exchanged stories and jokes with them, ate their food (which was fucking delicious I might add!) and had a really good time. I hung out with them until 6:00 until they dropped me off at my place... When I got home I could hardly even stand up because I was so drunk. Those Hjelvicks, let me tell you, they drink like a fish! Normally I don't get drunk unless it's a special occasion, but because I already graduated this was the perfect time to be drinking. Filled with beer, mead, and Captain Morgan's I hopped on my computer and started checking my E-mail like I usually do. That was until I got the biggest surprise in the world. My aunt Tonnie came in through the front door. She came all the way from Texas just to see us! She's still here too, sleeping on my couch as I'm writing this. I haven't seen her in six years so you can imagine how happy I was to see her, she knew I that was drunk (it was pretty obvious) and she told me stories about all these concerts that she went to. She told me about seeing the Kottonmouth Kings, Tech-9, Lamb of God, Dark Lotus, and ICP especially, considering the fact that she's a Juggalo. She continued telling me about the mosh pits there and how brutal they were, and she had the shiner to prove it. My aunt Tonnie is only like 40 something years old and she's more of a Juggalo than some of the most hardcore wicked clownz I've ever met! She even gave me a purple fedora that I'm actually wearing right now. I love fedoras! They're the only kind of hat that I actually look good in... Anyway I'm really happy that I graduated and got all this shit done over with. Now I've got the world as my stepping stone, and I'm ready to take on whatever challenges I'll be facing. I just need my Social Security number first...